How To: Make Valentine's Day Memorable with 5 Cheap, Lazy and Last Minute Ideas

Make this Valentine's Day one to remember!  Well... because you forgot.

But don't worry, you can still make that heart pitter-patter for your love by saving face and getting some last minute Valentine gift ideas on the cheap.  There's no reason to shop at Hallmark or buy expensive jewelery—just use your heartwarming ingenuity to make those cheeks blush.

There's virtually no effort in these concepts, so take full advantage of these cheap, lazy and last minute Valentine's Day ideas. Reading this article is the hardest part—trust me.

Step 1 The Handmade Valentine's Day Card

If you've got a few markers and have used a pair of scissors before, you have all the necessary skills for this task—the homemade Valentine.

You could use any kind of paper for this, though I would suggest NOT using toilet paper. Construction paper works best. Really, any colored paper, with pink and red being obvious choices.  Me—in addition to red and pink—I like paper grocery bags. There's just something about that crinkly brown bag that says "love".

It could be cut out into a heart shape, folded like a greeting card or rolled up into a ball. Your choice. There are no limits. You just have to make sure they have the basic requirements:

1. A heart (cut out, drawn... whatever).
2. Your lover's name (and make sure it's the correct lover, not that other lover).
3. The word love.  It's a lot easier to write it down than saying it.

Image by Kaboose

Step 2 The Infamous Mix Tape

Okay, so cassettes are old news, but the the laziest possible way to get away with this valentine gift is to find some blank cassette tapes. If you were a child of the 80s, then you probably have a few in your closet. What's on the cassettes isn't important—it's that it looks like a mix tape. They could be Pantera songs or even Master P. It doesn't matter. Where's your lover going to find a cassette player? It's the thought that counts—not the music.

Obviously, you might want to skip the cassette idea if you don't have any—or if your valentine actually owns a cassette player.  In that case, it's probably best to put a little bit of effort into your mix tape by creating a mix CD.

We all have iTunes, so find a blank compact disc and search your iTunes library for either:

1. Songs you know your lover would enjoy, or
2. Sappy love songs that you could care less about, but that could make the night even more cheesy than Valentine's Day usually is—cheesy enough to seduce your partner.

Then, just add them to a playlist and burn to disc.  See how:

Images by True/Slant

Step 3 The Flowers Out of Nowhere

Let's face it—girls lover flowers. But they're expensive! Unless you take the time to walk around your neighborhood and pull some red roses and a few lilies from a few of the nearby gardens. Depending on where you live, you may have to walk a few blocks, but all of that exercise should get that testosterone flowing for a pleasure-filled night of you know what.

But you can't get caught by your victims, and especially your valentine. After successfully picking (literally picking) your flowers, try to make them look more professional. Cut the stems at an angle, bundles them together and wrap in plastic. Saran Wrap might work.  Just make sure you don't pick any weeds. That's a telltale sign of slothful thoughtfulness.

If you can't make them look professional, just dump them inside your lover's favorite drink. A bottle or soda can will do. Even a beer can will work.

Images by Silver*Rose, Homeqn

Step 4 Poetry for the Poetically Deficient

I'm not poet. Chances are you aren't either. That's where the web comes in handy. Just do a Google Search for Valentine's Day poems and pick your favorite sonnet or haiku. Once you've found the perfect poem—just copy onto your favorite paper product and give to your precious someone. Perhaps it's best served orally, as in words out of your mouth.

Tip

• The more abstract the poem, the more likely you are to confuse your partner. The more confused they are, the less likely you are to get caught for plagiarism, because they'll be devoting all of their brain power on trying to say thanks without sounding disheartened.

Image by FreeStuff

Step 5 And... Dessert

There's tons of lazy ways to show you care. Just get some chocolate and condoms. Nothing says "I love you" more than some sex and dessert. Every store in the United States is selling Valentine's Day chocolates. You could even settle for Snickers bars if you have to. And you should know where to get those condoms at. If you're unsure, it's best to stick with just the chocolate.

Other Ideas

• Make a Voodoo Pincushion Doll
• Make a Double Heart-Shaped Homopolar Motor
• 12 Valentine's Day Gifts for Cheap and Lazy Lovers